yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
