i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
