Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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