can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
