some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
