Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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