dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
