:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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