You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
