K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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