Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
