I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
we're making bets on your personal life
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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