FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She's the barista slut.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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