You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He better not be in your backpack
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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