I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
