I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
