i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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