Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
