Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
