I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
