if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
