Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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