dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
