I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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