I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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