how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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