Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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