you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
