Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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