While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
