How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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