Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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