I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
