I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
