So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
false alarm, still single
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
