My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
im six kinds of drunk right now
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize