you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
