I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
