You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
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