She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
