We're like a lot better than the average bears
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
