Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
babies were throwing up all over the place
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
