Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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