My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
