so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
