I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
