I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
There r osticjed everywhere
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
