I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
