You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
