Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
