We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
