if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
