I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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