I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
