I feel like abortions should bother me more
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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