remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
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