Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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