I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
