my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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