question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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