I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
