I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
