How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
