Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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