Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
