I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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