Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize