well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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