Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
