i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
