I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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